-

2025-11-18 16:47:25

inthehands@hachyderm.io

One of the great shames of my software career is that I have not once but •twice• been a part of a project where I found out only after I was off the project that a male manager or client had been just absolutely, utterly •wretched• to a female teammate.

In both cases, it happened out of my sight. I had no idea what was going on.

I still think to this day about my obliviousness: how I could have found out sooner, what warning signs I missed, what I could have done to stick up for my female colleagues.

1/ https://toot.cafe/@baldur/115570002490755386

2025-11-18 16:53:55

onor.io

onorio@mastodon.acm.org

@inthehands I have had this happen too. I am embarrassed at how utterly clueless I can be sometimes.

2025-11-18 22:36:43

Poloniousmonk

Uair@autistics.life

@inthehands

This very much reads to me like beating yourself over something you had no control over. It's a sexist pig society. You can't fix that. You can only do your best to navigate it while not succumbing to it. Sounds to me like you did.

2025-11-18 22:39:02

*_jayrope

jrp@hub.kliklak.net

@Paul Cantrell Well, good luck for being quicker in the future.

2025-11-19 08:17:57

Cavyherd

cavyherd@wandering.shop

@inthehands

I think about this a lot wrt racism & misogyny on Fedi. I almost never see it, but credible narrators report that it's constant.

2025-11-19 09:55:41

sean dra paul

smierz@fosstodon.org

@inthehands here's my 2 cents: u don't need to have spidey senses or constantly scan for red flags if u simply *talk to the women* u are working with. my experience with colleagues is that a lot of them don't care about the women on their team, know nothing about them, no curiosity, no small talk... you can't "help" anyone if you don't even know them or what they need and the first step is always talk to them and get them out of isolation (=easy prey)